Starting Anew

It's about time, I must say.  It's a time of renewal and starting new.

When I got off The World Race, I felt what some Racers would call "burn-out."  Now, I don't think it was because of ministry. I wouldn't be going to Romania if I was burned out from ministry.  Let's be honest here, if we are burned out by ministry, what's the reason for that?  We are called to do ministry our entire lives.   This may sound a bit cocky, but ministry makes sense for me and my life.  When God called me to do missions work, I was 20 years old.  Since before I was actually following the Lord truly, I had enjoyed investing in lives and trying to help those individuals find meaning for their existence. 

So since ministry wasn't it, what could it be?  I was burned out from trying to do things on my own.  I'll be honest and say I struggle with trying to do and take things into my control.  It is a weakness, but thankfully it's in a process that God is bringing me through.  It's hard, but if I want to become a true Christian willing to endure hardship for His name, I will surrender to His will, not my own.  I will become closer to Him, because He's so good to me.

Just recently God was asking me to recheck my heart with returning to Romania.  He asked me "Rachel, are you going to Romania to do things through your hands or MINE?  Are you surrendering your heart and your life into my plans?"  This happened because I was so focused in my thoughts and was ignoring His.  I want His thoughts, His eyes and His hands for this nation of Romania!  I don't want to see through my eyes, because my eyes can't see what needs Him fully.  They can only see a piece of the puzzle.  I don't want to act out of my so-called love, I want to act out of His.  I want to be His love for a generation that knows nothing about Him, for a people who have been so hurt by others that they don't know how to receive this love that we preach.  But do we live it out?  Do we really appreciate this love that God has for us, because I feel like sometimes we get distracted by doing things out of works and trying to keep ourselves busy, because it's our "Christian Duty." 

I do not want to start Romania this way.  Actually, I refuse to start Romania this way!  I see no point going to a country if I'm solely focused on my agenda and a detailed itinerary of "what-to-do's."  Lord, that you would have your way in my life.  My prayer is that this next week as I prepare to be sent out that I would not worry about what's to come, how I'm going to raise the rest of the support I need, and other things of the such.  If God is calling me to this place for this time, He's going to perfect every single detail.

"Why worry, Rachel?  I have called you to this.  Do you trust me that I know what I'm doing?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivtvLWuMywM&feature=related
*This song hits home to me.*